


Nothing

by jokerssmile



Series: Nothing [1]
Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-18 03:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/875210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jokerssmile/pseuds/jokerssmile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jane goes out drinking one night with Frost and Korsak to forget a difficult day at work and somehow it leads all back to Maura. This fic is inspired by the song Nothing by The Script.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N this is after the season 1 finale. Jane and Maura were in an established relastionship prior to the finale for this story. This is my first attempt at writing Rizzles fanfiction.

The light shined harshly through her bedroom window and she groaned. She grabbed a pillow and shielded her eyes. The ringing of her cell phone sent a sharp stabbing pain to her temples. She reached blindly for her nightstand and located her phone. She pulled it underneath pillow.  
  
"Hello." She mumbled.  
  
"Jane?" Frost said.  
  
"Uh-huh." She answered still under her pillow.  
  
"I just wanted to call and see if you were…." Frost paused on the phone. "Well if you were okay." He said.  
  
"Just fine." She mumbled and he heard fabric rustling over the phone and her groan.  
  
"You drank a lot last night you know." He said to her.  
  
She sat on the side of her bed, her head hung down, focusing on her bare feet, trying to keep the room from spinning.  
  
"Jane?" He asked wondering if she was still on the line.  
  
"Thanks for calling, I'm fine though. I gotta go." She said and hung up before he could say anything more. She tossed her phone on to the bed.  
  
"What the hell happened last night?" she wondered out loud. She rubbed her eyes and tried remembering something, anything but nothing seemed to coming back to her.  
  
She stood up slowly testing her balance out and even though she swayed back and forth she managed to trudge to the bathroom.  
  
She started the shower and stripped off her clothes. She stepped inside the shower, not caring that the water was practically scalding her body. She put a hand on the shower tiles and leaned forward hanging her head under the water. She fought the nausea that erupted in her stomach and threatened to move up her throat.  
  
She closed her eyes and images flashed in her mind. Drinking at the Dirty Robber with Frost and Korsak, wandering down the street the cold night air making her lungs ache as she yelled, Frost taking her arm and putting her into a cab, mumbling things into her cellphone.  
  
She stood in the shower so long the water started to get cold. She shut off the water and stepped out, grabbing a towel. She wrapped it around her wet body and went over to the sink. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. 'You look like hell, Rizzoli, no you look worse than hell' she thought as she opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed some aspirin.  
  
She fought with the stupid child-proof cap as her head pounded with the beat of her heart. She spilled two pills out and popped them into her mouth then leaned over the sink and turned the water on and filled her cupped hand with water and slurped enough up to swallow the pills.  
  
She finished drying off then dressed in a faded blue Boston PD shirt and a gray pair of sweat pants. She wandered into her kitchen and started the coffee maker. She leaned against the counter as she waited and closed her eyes.  
  
More scenes from last night flashed in her mind. Talking to the cab driver then getting out two blocks up the road, Korsak saying 'you're better off without her.' Frost taking her beer bottle from her 'You've had enough I think'. Wandering down the street and throwing up over a guard rail.  
  
The coffee maker beeped and she snapped out of it. She poured herself a big cup of coffee, black and went to sit down on her couch.  
  
Her cellphone rang and Jane made no move to go get it from her bedroom. She wasn't working today. She took a sip of her coffee then placed the mug on her coffee table before lying down on the couch.  
  
She closed her eyes and memories flashed again, this time from 4 months ago, a hostage situation at BPD, Frankie lying in the morgue struggling to survive. Bobby with his arm around her throat and a gun to her head. Struggling, a loud bang, excruciating pain then darkness.  
  
Jane's cellphone rang again; she sat up slowly and took another sip of coffee. Jo came up slowly to the couch and wagged her tail, happy to see her master. "Hey Jo." Jane said and ruffled the hair on Jo's head.  
  
Jane leaned forward, her elbows on her knees. She rested her head in her hands and rubbed her eyes. Her cellphone rang again, this time when it stopped a loud banging erupted at her front door. "Oh for crap sakes." Jane said irritated she stood up too fast, swayed the collapsed back down on the couch. The pounding persisted and she wasn't sure anymore if it was her head or someone at her door. "Hang on a damn minute." She yelled a poor choice since it sent a ripple of pain behind her eyes.  
  
Jane got up, this time slower and went to the front door and opened it. "Ma, now is not a good time." Jane said as her mother pushed passed her.  
  
"You never think it's a good time for me to visit." Angela said as she put down the grocery bags she carried onto Jane's kitchen counter.  
  
"I mean it this time, Ma." Jane said.  
  
"Why didn't you answer your phone? I thought something happened to you." Angela said.  
  
"And yet you stopped and bought me groceries." Jane remarked. Angela gave her a look.  
  
"Really, it's not a good time." Jane said sighing.  
  
"Are you sick?" Angela worried reaching for Jane's forehead.  
  
Jane swatted at her mother's hand. "No, I'm not sick. I'm hung-over if you must know." Jane said going to grab her coffee cup, the contents now cold. She poured it down the kitchen sink.  
  
"Why did you drink so much last night?" Angela asked putting the groceries away. Jane shrugged as she poured herself a glass of water.  
  
"Is this because of Maura?" Angela asked.  
  
"Why would you ask that?" Jane asked not facing her mother.  
  
"She called me last night." Angela said quietly as she gathered up the empty plastic bags.  
  
Jane didn't say anything, just took her glass of water and sat back down on the couch.  
  
"Jane, she was very upset when she called." Angela said going into the living room and sitting down by Jane.  
  
"What could she possibly be upset about?" Jane asked setting her water down on the coffee table, "And why call you about it?" She asked.  
  
"Jane, she said you called her last night a few times." Angela told her. Jane had no memory of calling Maura, let alone giving her a reason to call her mother.  
  
"What'd she say?" Jane asked not sure if she really wanted to know.  
  
"She said you were very drunk and you kept calling." Angela told her.  
  
Jane took a sip of her water; the aspirin was finally kicking in, the throbbing in her head now a slight dull ache. "Did she sound worried?" Jane asked. Angela didn't respond.  
  
Jane got up from the couch in frustration, "Why'd she call you anyways?"  
  
"She asked if I could possibly get you to stop calling." Angela said noticing the hurt her daughter felt.  
  
Jane went into her bedroom to grab her phone. She came back out front and scrolled through her phone till she landed on Maura's contact information, "Ok, well you don't have to worry about me calling her anymore." Jane said told her Mom as she deleted Maura's information.  
  
Jane knew it wasn't practical because she'd still need to contact Maura for work but she was lost in trying to make a statement.  
  
Angela got up and went over to Jane. She reached out to hug her but Jane put a hand up, "Please, I can't, Ma." She pleaded and Angela understood.  
  
Angela grabbed the empty plastic bags from the kitchen counter and opened the front door. "I'm sorry Janie." Angela said then shut the door.  
  
"Yeah, me too." Jane said and slumped back down on the couch.

* * *

 


	2. Chapter 2

What went wrong between them? That question always lingered in the air around them.  
  
Jane knew though, she played hero and paid the price for it. Remembering the day she woke up in the hospital after shooting herself during the hostage situation at the BPD to see Maura standing by the window looking out, her arms crossed against her chest.  
  
"Hey." Jane said just above a whisper. Maura turned to her and walked over to sit next to Jane's bed side.  
  
Jane held out a hand to Maura and she took it. Maura couldn't meet Jane's eyes.  
  
"What's wrong?" Jane asked hesitantly.  
  
"I can't do this anymore." Maura said quietly and slipped her hand out of Jane's.  
  
"What do you mean? Do what anymore?" Jane asked.  
  
"This," Maura said waving a hand between them. "I can't watch you die, I refuse." Maura said getting angry.  
  
"But I'm fine." Jane said trying to take Maura's hand again.  
  
"You're fine?" Maura scoffed, "You have a bullet hole in you."  
  
"But I'm fine." Jane repeated not knowing what else to say. She was confused; it could be from a combination of the pain killers or the actual pain but Jane didn't know what was going on.  
  
"I can't stand here and watch you play hero, Jane. You almost died; you lost a lot of blood. I mean…" Maura closed her eyes trying to block out the image of Jane lying on the sidewalk bleeding out.  
  
"I had to do something, Frankie was dying." Jane said jumping to her own defense.  
  
Maura sighed, she was tired. She loved Jane but she just couldn't keep doing this.  
  
"I'm sorry Jane, I'm sorry." Maura whispered.  
  
"Are you breaking up with me?" Jane asked.  
  
Maura nodded her head, "I loved you Jane, you know that but you're breaking my heart."  
  
"I'm breaking your heart? Are you fucking kidding me?" Jane said raising her voice, she tried to sit up but the pain ripped through her halting any movement.  
  
"You're breaking up with me while I'm lying in a hospital bed and I'm breaking your heart?" Jane asked, furious.  
  
"Please Jane, I have to." Maura said standing up. "For my own sake, for my own sanity, I have to."  
  
Jane risked pain and reached for Maura's arm, holding back the scream she had building inside her from the shot of pain that wretched through her. She grunted and took Maura by the wrist, a look of sadness filled Jane's eyes "Please Maura, I …. I love you."  
  
Maura looked into Jane's eyes, "I can't." She said and slowly removed Jane's hand from her wrist. Maura turned and walked to the hospital room door, she dared not look back, "Goodbye." She said quietly then slipped out the door.  
  
Jane snapped out of the memory and tried hard to remember what happened last night. She closed her eyes. She remembered yesterday was a pretty shitty day at work, but then again any day when a child has been murdered is always bad. Then she got into a fight with Maura down in the morgue and it all fell apart from there.  
  
Frost and Korsak met her at the Dirty Robber and they started throwing back the drinks. Somehow the conversation turned to Maura. Korsak put a hand on Jane's shoulder, "You're better off." He'd said slightly buzzed.  
  
Jane pushed his hand off her shoulder and got up from their booth. "Gonna get some air." She said and stumbled through the Friday night crowd to the empty cold street outside.  
  
She pulled out her phone, she had to blink a few times to get her eyes to focus before she found Maura's number and hit send.  
  
"Hello." Jane heard Maura's voice and almost forgot what was going on.  
  
"Don't hang up, please." Jane slurred.  
  
"Jane…" Maura began to say but Jane cut her off.  
  
"I still love you Maura." Jane said as best she could, her heart was beating a mile a minute in her chest. She waited for a response but there was nothing.  
  
Jane hung up then shoved her phone back into her jeans and went back inside. She had a few more rounds with the guys before standing up and putting her jacket on.  
  
Frost stood up, "Where are you going Jane?" He asked obviously not as drunk as her.  
  
Jane shrugged but she knew where she was going, even in her drunken state she knew.  
  
Korsak and Frost followed her out and Jane started to walk aimlessly down the street. They followed Jane a couple of blocks before Frost took her by the arm. "Jane, let's get you a cab."  
  
She spun around to look at him, a glassy layer covered her eyes, and she nodded. Frost dialed the cab company and spoke to dispatch before hanging up.  
  
"You know she's not worth this Jane." Frost said shoving his phone into his pocket. "You've got to get yourself together. You're better off now, Jane." He added.  
  
'Why do they keep saying that?' Jane wondered. How could she better off now? She was shit-faced drunk, swaying in the street at 3 in the morning. It wasn't the first time she'd gotten this drunk because she was trying to forget. She didn't want to remember how much she loved Maura and how much at one time Maura loved her. How living with her and sharing a life meant so much to her.  
  
She also wanted to forget the times after, when Maura had walked away from her, when Jane had to enlist Frankie and Frost's help to move her things from Maura's to her current dank little apartment. She tried to forget how polite and professional Maura was at work when Jane was slowly screaming inside for Maura to just look at her.  
  
She knew her friends meant well, they just wanted her to move on. They took her side out of loyalty, just like her family did. They didn't hate Maura, and Jane didn't want them to but they knew that if Jane was ever going to move on, they would have to be the ones to give her that push.  
  
15 minutes later a cab rolled up to their location. Frost took Jane by the arm and guided her into the backseat of the cab. He gave the driver Jane's home address. "You just go home and sleep it off." Korsak said to her through the open window.  
  
The cab took off down the street and Jane leaned forward. "Just drive me a few blocks up and then drop me off." Jane slurred. The cab drive did what he was told and Jane slipped him some money before getting out of the cab.  
  
She looked left then right; she pulled her cellphone out of her pocket again and dialed Maura's number as she walked down the street. The phone rang 3 times before Maura picked up, she didn't say hello.  
  
"Maura, I'm sorry, please, you have to know." Jane stumbled forward and almost crashed into one of the department stores along her path. She braced herself against the building, "Please, Maura, I'm still in love with you." Jane said into the phone. Again she waited for a response, but there was nothing but silence.  
  
She hung up and continued down the street, "I'll go to her house, she'll have to talk to me then, she'll have to see." She muttered to herself. "I can change her mind."  
  



	3. Chapter 3

It took her almost an hour to get to Maura's house that was including the 2 detours she took to puke on the side of the road. She thought of all the things she would say, she had it all worked out in her head.  
  
She would make Maura listen to her; she'd make Maura see that Jane was still the woman she loved. This would work, it had to. Maura would see just how much Jane still loved her and how much she wanted things to work out for them so they could be together, be happy together again.  
  
She stood quietly outside Maura's front door trying to compose herself the best she could. She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes 'Please let this work.' she silently prayed. She opened her eyes and stood with her hand hovering over the doorbell; finally she rang it and rested her hand on the door-jam bracing herself so she wouldn't fall over. She waited patiently for Maura to answer the door.  
  
Nothing.  
  
Jane rang the doorbell again and waited. 'It was late, Maura was probably sleeping.' She thought about calling her again just to wake her up but the door swung open and Maura stood in front of Jane in her robe, her arms folded across her chest.  
  
Jane blinked a few times. The cold night air burned her eyes and she needed to focus. "Maura…." She breathed leaning in and Jane could tell by Maura taking a step back that her breathed probably reeked of stale beer and vomit.  
  
There was so much to say, but she couldn't formulate the words. They existed in a swirling fog in her drunken mind but she couldn't get them passed her tongue. Everything she had prepared to say on the long walk over had vanished. She was left speechless.  
  
So they stood there, staring at each other. Jane was hoping to see something in Maura's eyes, but it wasn't what she expected, it wasn't what she hoped for. What she wanted to see was the love they once had for each other reflecting back at her. She wanted to see just how much Maura cared for her, how much she missed her and wanted her back but instead she saw nothing. Jane thought she might even see pity in Maura's eyes, pity for the woman she once loved and shared a life with. Pity, Jane could take even disgust for her current state but there was nothing.  
  
Maura stood in the doorway unmoved and silent. She waited for Jane to say something and Jane could tell that Maura was getting impatient with her. Never had Maura been impatient with her, even with her endless questions in the morgue, or her sarcastic remarks. Maura had always dealt with Jane with kindness, patience and love but not tonight, and not for a long time now.  
  
Finally Maura stepped back out of the doorway and Jane thought for a split second Maura was moving to allow her in but instead Maura just shut the door in her face.  
  
Jane stood there staring at the closed door, blinking away the cold and tears from her eyes. She tried to blink away the confusion she was feeling. She stepped to the door; going to ring the bell again but she stopped herself and rested her forehead against the cool wood door.  
  
She sniffled, 'How could this have gone so badly?' she wondered. Not just about tonight, but every night for the past 4 months, every night leading back to that night in her hospital room where Maura told Jane goodbye and walked out on their life together taking Jane's heart with her. Jane remembered that Maura had said she loved her, past tense. How could she just stop loving Jane that easily?  
  
She closed her eyes, there were so many thing she should have said when Maura opened the door, 'I'm sorry Maura, I'm sorry for ever hurting you.' 'You have to know how much I love you, how much I've always loved you.' 'Please just give us another chance, we belong together.'  
  
Jane sighed heavily; tears fell from her eyes, rolled down her cheeks and splattered on the concrete beneath her feet. Jane felt something building up deep inside the pit of her stomach and she hoped it wasn't another wave of throwing up because honestly should couldn't handle that right now.  
  
Instead anger rose up in her. How could Maura make her feel this way? How could she make her feel guilty for wanting to save her brother and countless others? Maura knew what Jane's job entailed; she knew the dangers that came with loving and being with a cop.  
  
Hell, Maura had sometimes been included in that danger and yet still she stayed with Jane. Maura comforted her after that ordeal when Hoyt and his apprentice drugging her and hauling her off in a coroner van. Maura held her and whispered softly in Jane's ear over and over again when she'd wake screaming from her nightmares. 'You're safe, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere.'  
  
What had changed in the year they were together leading up to that one moment when Jane, in order to save her brother pressed a gun to her gut and pulled the trigger?  
  
There was no explanation, nothing more than their brief conversation in Jane's hospital room when she woke up. What was it that made Maura see Jane in a different way? Jane hadn't changed, she was still the same woman aside from the small scar she now carried with her. So what was the straw that finally broke the camel's back?  
  
Jane would never know because Maura refused to talk to her about it. Maura just left her wondering and Jane never thought of Maura as unfair or cruel. But how can you claim to love someone so much then leave them wondering that the hell happened and never offering more than an apologize and a goodbye?  
  
She wiped her tears away in anger and sniffled hard.  
  
She stood up straight and looked around, a light snow started to fall. She tilted her head back and looked up at the heavens then closed her eyes. For a peaceful minute the world was quiet around her, her thoughts silenced. She opened her eyes, steadied herself then started to walk home.  
  
The sun was just starting to cresting over the overcast horizon mixing gray with swirls of deep reds and hazy orange. As she walked Jane realized Maura would never love her the way she used to. Jane would never hold Maura in her arms again; kiss her deeply, make love to her, wake up next to her every morning. Those days, they were gone. 'We're not even friends anymore.' Jane thought sadly.  
  
As Jane walked slowly home she tried to think of ways she could change things between her and Maura. She wondering what she could do, what more she could possibly say to change Maura's heart and then it came to her….  
  
There was nothing left to do, nothing more to say….  
  
Nothing.


End file.
